after leaving a soul sucking job, i've started dreaming again.
i. stress dream where i encountered an erotic mermaid painting in a gigantic industrial elevator
ii. i had a solo gallery opening with a lot of work (difficult for me to remember what it looked like) and one of the key pieces was a performance where I would become someone in the space's dog until they left. I would follow them around the gallery and curl up next to them on the floor or in their lap if they sat down. i did this for hours.
iii. bitterly cold island with monolithic ships made of dark wood
been spending a lot of time at the library, but somehow barely reading anything when i'm there.. on the flip side though, i just started reading Dryland's End, the first book in the City on a Star series which my girlfriend loves. it's very campy and lightheartedly sexy so far, which I appreciate! whatever happened to totally bizzarre gay fiction? everything's gotta be so serious these days.
music: Simple Things by Zero 7 // A Sort of Soundtrack for U.F.O. by Sadesper Record //
this music video with subtitles on:
late october was much more busy than I could've ever expected. I wore a different costume friday through sunday. I initially dressed up as the 2 of swords from the rider waite tarot deck since the card and I have a history; personally embodying a duality between sheltered, missguided defensiveness as well as healing self preservation and protection...I was curious what the effect of dressing as a card might have, so i decided to throw a party with a tarot dress code. however after attempting to dress as her for one night, (lost one sword, repeatedly had to remove the blindfold) I realized I was ready to embody someone else and step into her power. The night of, I was the self assured and beautiful Empress. It was especially healing/energizing since I was hosting the party.
here is a playlist I made for Halloweekend that has lasted me throught this winter so far. Aside from the party I hosted, life has been lacking sensuality lately; so I put together this collection of songs to bring a little luxe ambience to each day.
a lot of these songs—trip hop + downtempo in general—bring me back to a time in my life I feel ready to reconnect to. Forced to be independent, I grew to become very raw and confident. I was proud of myself for wading through what felt like a mess of muddy relationships, interests, and emotions at the time. It was liberating, and I made a lot of art with these new skills. That winter was especially active for me creatively... itt inspired writing, tumultuous dreaming, journaling and other shadow work. To me these songs reside in that shadowy place— stewing in the melancholic and wrapped up in a lusty thread. One of my close friends says that only after two years is when you are fully able to process and reflect on what happened at that time in your life...